So I know that we all have to make our way in the world, and no one’s place in the future is guaranteed, but, well, it’s like there’s a whole bunch of tools and walkthroughs available to anyone who needs them, and to me, especially, as a middle-class, white American male.  And you know what?  I wasn’t doing too badly for a while.  But then it all collapsed.  I know I’m responsible, but I’m not sure exactly how.  I just keep fucking it up. 

it’s really hard to talk about since I’m sort of in shock over how useless I am. 

I keep making all these elaborate plans and stuff for my detroit expedition, trying to learn as much as I can, and figure out where I can base myself, and so on and so forth, but then I remember that the point is to die, and it just makes me feel worse.